I was a skinny little thing growing up. I hated being so tiny. Clothes didn’t fit. My arms were so skinny, and I didn’t want to wear sleeveless shirts. I was skinny through high school and college, and hated it. I could eat anything I wanted without gaining weight, and I didn’t realize what a gift that was!
When I went to graduate school, I headed to Seattle for an internship and had lots of free time. I spent a lot of time in the gym and while I actually lost weight, I looked much healthier. I was happy in my body for the first time – it lasted three whole years.
I’ve kept this picture of myself – on my student ID. It’s the only photo of me that I’ve actually liked.
When I got married, I bought my dress a year before the wedding, and put on weight before the date. My grandmother told everyone (at a graduation party we were all attending) that I was “contented” because I’d found a man, but the truth is, my metabolism started to change. I needed to have my size 2 wedding dress taken out to accommodate those whopping 5 pounds, and I felt fat. I wasn’t fat. Not at all.
After I had my kids, I lost a lot of weight. I was back in a size two but I wasn’t healthy, because I wasn’t eating. I started a fitness routine, and gained the weight back. Plus more. But I was healthy. And I hated the way I looked.
Here’s the thing. I look back at old pictures and realize how great I looked. When I was busy hating my body, I didn’t appreciate what I had. I wish I could go back and love myself at each stage.
I’m determined now, to appreciate my body and myself. I’m not a size 2, but I’m very healthy and feel great. I eat well and am exercising. I will stick to the right amount of calories for myself and will keep active. I won’t starve myself, and I’ll make sure I get lots of pictures of me with my children, even if I don’t love the way I look. Because in a few years, I’ll wish I did.
I can so relate. I’ve never been happy with my body, whether I was a size 6 or a size 10. I wish I knew then to appreciate my pre-pregnancy bikini-clad body, because now? I regret not FLAUNTING my skinny ass!
My mom convinced me to wear a bikini when I was in my 20s. I was so modest but she told me I’d regret it
Great perspective and oh, so true
Thanks Whitney. I just wish I appreciated myself every step of the way.
Sing it! I was small growing up as well, but was never happy with my body (even when it was perfect for me). I looked at some pics last weekend of my 20 year old self – I thought I was fat – but I would guive ANYthing to look so fat again.
Oh well. Chocolate anyone?
With wine please…
Love this post. What the heck is up with body dismorphia? I have it, too. So many (totally healthy, fabulous) women I know have it! My big thing that helps is remembering that a FUNCTIONAL, strong body is the best body there is. I’ll never have fabulous curves, big boobs, etc., but I can run, pick up my kids, do boot camp, etc.
Stay healthy, and take lots of pictures!
Julia – with those arms you have, you should LOVE what you look like!
Growing up, my brothers called me fat. There were years when I suppose I was chunky, but I was active, part of the gymnastics team and more. However, that name calling changed me forever, to the point that whenever I look in the mirror I see fat. Even still. I’ve been all kinds of sizes through the years, but always felt fat. Only when I look back years later do I see that I looked great during many of those years. So sad.
It’s very sad. I wish I could go back to the younger me and tell me to appreciate things.
Good post. I’ve actually never worn a bikini because I’ve never had the body for it, but when I was about 20 lbs. skinnier than I am now I wore a tankini
and it felt nice.
I’m in my 20s now and by the time I hit 30s or 40s I will probably think back to all of the times I thought I didn’t look great and realize that I did, or at least looked healthy.
Appreciate it now Liz!
I love this post. It is so raw and so relatable. I’ve said many times that I wish I had appreciated it when I was younger, but even then I felt uncomfortable in my skin. And that is what it is all about, feeling comfortable with who you are both inside your body and out. Good for you!!
Thanks Jessica. I’ve wasted so much time worried about how I look to others.
I want to hug this post I love it so much.
Best comment ever! Thanks!!!!!
Having kids freed me up from spending too much time worried about numbers on a scale (don’t even own one now). I have never uttered the words I feel fat/thin or I look fat/thin in front of my girls. This is intentional. I tell them I feel strong or that I feel weak and explain the reasons for both.
The power of a good body image can’t be measured. Good for you for tackling this and knowing you are the number 1 influence on your kids.
What a GREAT post.
Even with having sons, I’m very aware of what I say to them about my image, and also, my husband saying things. I love that you’re being so open, it’s so inspirational. xo
Great post and discussion. At some point, we need to embrace and love our body. If we’re healthy and fit, we still may not be a size 2. Being happy with who you are, how you look, and exuding confidence can be so much more attractive than a size 2 body!
I’ve been blogging about body issues, too. It’s a universal issue, I think! You’re not alone. xo
Oh my friend – this is so important…. I’m so aware of this and know how important it is that I never talk about fat/thin/anything in front of my small people… I don’t want to pass along any of my own issues to them… such a great thing for you to be thinking about and be aware of! Good for you! The older I get, the more I realize how important it is…
Jodi, let me first start off by saying I think you look fab. We are always the hardest on ourselves! I think you are a perfect body type and you look fantastic and that is what the REST of us see!
That said, you have the best attitude about it now too. I was never skinny… I’ve pretty much had the same 15 lb range since I turned 18. But I have a heavy weight, a light weight and I will say this – I can be the heavy weight and look good, or the light weight and look heavy… for me it’s about working out and owning it. I finally decided 2 years ago to just give it up. I’m never going to be rail thin and I can’t control that. But I can control eating healthy, working out regularly and not caring as much anymore. I am not even kidding, I feel amazing now. I know that sounds insane and the weight on my scale isn’t anything lower than what I’ve weighed in the past but something about eating the right things and working out has just clicked for me. That, and attitude! It’s such a great way to feel mentally.
Anyway, you look amazing and I think at the end of the day it’s about being healthy and setting that great example for our kids.
ps – all those ppl that starve themselves and are super skinny are all really grumpy inside ;D
Oh how I relate to this post. Still working on feeling comfortable in my post-baby skin. The thing is, even if I’m not fitting into my skinny jeans and I’m fuller around the middle – so is my life. I would trade in my skinny minny pre-baby body (or the awesome metabolism I had at the time) for my 3 kids in a heartbeat.
Loved this post because I can so relate. YES to being happy right where we are!
I wonder if there’s a woman out there who couldn’t relate to this post. Beautifully written.